Apple Rebate

Apple is the most popular computer company among hipsters and people that are cool.  Only cool people buy apple products, so if you are not cool, then you should not buy them.  Cool people have money, which is why Apple products are much more expensive than the others.  However, even cool rich people like to save money once in a while.  For that reason, Apple offers its customers rebates on particular items.

Anytime you buy the latest product, it seems like a newer version comes out right after.  This is the case with things like the iPhone and the iPad.  The iPad 2 has just launched, leaving original iPad owners feeling left out in the cold.  However, anyone that bought an iPad in the two weeks prior to the launch of the iPad is eligible to get a $100 rebate on their purchase.  Now that the iPad 2 is out, what's remaining of the first iPads are being sold at $100 less than the original price.  Don't worry iPad 2 owners.  Since the iPad 3 will probably be released next week, you'll probably be eligible for a rebate as well.

In order to get the iPad rebate, customers that bought the iPad within two weeks of the release of the second one have to call the Apple customer service number to get the refund.  Those that bought them in store can take their receipt to the store to get their money.  Upon giving your receipt to one of the "geniuses" working in the store, they will likely proceed to look at the receipt as if it were written in hieroglyphics.  Then the genius will go confer with another genius away from earshot as you wonder what in the world they could possibly be talking about.  Then they will come back and give you some stupid reason why you cannot have your rebate.  Perhaps you purchased your iPad six minutes before the two week minimum rebate window.  You may then proceed to destroy whatever Apple Store location you are in.  Actually, the rebate process will probably go pretty smoothly, especially since it's an in-house rebate.  We all just know how stores are when you try to get money back on promotions that they are supporting.  It's like they suddenly lose all sense of time and space when you present them with a receipt in order to be compensated.

Apple rebates are also available on other Apple products like printers and software.  Some of these are mail-in rebates.  After you buy a product, a mail-in rebate will be inside the package that must be mailed in.  About eight weeks later, you will finally get your rebate.  It's actually a lot sooner than that, but it's funnier that way.

Since you are probably broke now that you have spend your life savings on Apple products, you will likely want a rebate or two.  Apple know that you are just going to spend your rebate on another one of their products, so they don't really care.  You have been pulled in, so good luck trying to get out.  Resistance is futile.

Apple Products

Apple has a wide assortment of products made specifically for elitist hipster so they can feel better than other people.  Apple has really found a market in which they can release just about anything and people will line up like zombies just to be the first to get it.  The ruse is that people will pay twice as much money for a fancy box with an apple on it than for a computer that actually works.

Many years ago, like three, the iPod came out.  It did what other MP3 players could not do, except play music.  The first iPod was about the size of a Trapper Keeper and could only play a single song over and over without the benefit of a stop button.  Needless to say, people loved the original iPod.  It was so successful that Apple them released the iPod Shuffle.  This iPod could finally play more than one song, even if they were played at random without any control.  This allowed people with real iPods and iPod touches to still fee superior to people that couldn't afford the real thing.

Pretty soon people started to complain that the iPod was too big.  Therefore, Apple made a smaller one.  When people complained it was too small, they made a bigger one.  This repetitive cycle continued for about 10 years as we saw about a million iterations of the exact same thing or which people lined up on the streets time and time again to purchase, either unaware or apathetic to the fact that each one was exactly the same.

After everything else had been done to the point of nausea, Apple came out with the iPhone.  It was similar to all the other smart phones that had been released, but it has an Apple logo on it.  Needless to say, people showed up in droves and camped out for weeks in advance to buy it at a very reasonable price of $5,000.  People even ignored the fact that the iPhone was only available on AT&T's network, which still uses switchboard operators to connect callers to one another.  Approximately 15 minutes after the first iPhone was released, the iPhone 2 came out, because you're only cool if you have the latest Apple product in your possession.

The latest "invention" from Apple is the iPad.  Even though tablet computers have existed for many years, Apple claimed to have invented this new idea and, like usual, all the sheep believed them and held out their wallets to the iVacuum.  Apple heard the complaints that the iPhone was too convenient, so they created a much larger version so people could visibly carry them around, letting everyone know that they have an iPad.  Instead of buying a functioning computer, customer could now play Angy Birds and use Facebook wherever they went, since this is totally not possible on a laptop.  The iPad 2 has recently been released and the iPad 3 is scheduled to come out tomorrow.